The Urban Dictionary definition of the above expression made me chuckle; A term used when a girl has a guy under her command, means the guy will pretty much follow his girl’s every wish and do whatever she wants.
Sprinkle some Andrews Liver Salt over this expression and voila! it bubbles into the plot of a Nollywood movie.
Scheming Lady puts a love potion in Mr. Man’s food. He becomes pretty much wrapped around her little finger. His Loving Mother becomes suspicious and accuses Scheming Lady, who weepingly confesses. The antidote is found and Mr. Man becomes free (“Remote Control” Parts 1, 2 and 3. Grab your copy now!).
I quite like the world of Nollywood, where evil is punished and good is rewarded. Where it is either black or white with no middle ground whatsoever, so save your political correctness for the movie about your own life. Don’t forget to tie your sanctimonious gèlè as movie plots are usually pregnant with moral undertones.
In Nollywood, Native doctors always dispense love potions with disclaimer clauses doubling as prescription information leaflets. For example, “You mustn’t let rain fall on you when in possession of this potion or else you’ll go mad”.
As our antagonist journeys back home, we watch with collectively bated breath as the sky darkens and thunder rumbles in anticipation of rain. Lightning flashes for added effect and we nearly fall off the edge of our seats. Alas, no rain for the movie must go on for the next 4 hours.
In Nollywood, love potions are extremely effective, after only one or two spoons of the laced food, Mr. Man has that glazed look of the hypnotised. Spoon mid-air, he starts to cough as if he’s choking and Scheming Lady slyly offers him a glass of water.
Sometimes, just before he eats he pauses thoughtfully for a bit, and we quiver with anxiety hoping that by some power bestowed upon him by a sixth sense (a JujuRadar™ of sorts) he suspects that the food has been tampered with. Alas, his ravenous hunger wins for, as you will recall, the movie must go on for the next 3.5 hours.
In Nollywood, the love potion will most often than not have madness as an unfortunate side-effect. Suddenly, Mr. Man goes quite mad and makes the nearest refuse dump his throne, where he rambles nonsense and disturbs the peace, teasing young women.
Impressively, this insanity automatically confers upon him X-ray vision, he can see right through the wicked hearts of men and reveals with diarrhoeic gusto all their past misdeeds and atrocities.
In Nollywood, most actions have reactions which in turn have counteractions, for there has to be the hope of happy endings as our sentimental hearts cannot bear the finality of not having some closure. Hence, Loving Mother always has her own native doctor who has the power to undo all wrongs. Dramatic…
Still, don’t be too quick to dismiss their far-fetched story lines even when it borders on insulting your intelligence with a double-palmed slap. Recall those moments when faced with an astonishing real-life situation, you exclaimed “This feels like a Nollywood script!”
Perhaps, they borrow from our own reality after all.
Anyway, I’m nicely wrapped up in a kimono wrap dress which I sewed using the remainder of my red Woodin fabric. I love this fabric, it is made from heavy-duty cotton that’s much thicker than regular ankara.
The dress has the silhouette of a robe and I drafted the pattern by making the following changes to my bodice patterns:
- Shifted the bust dart to the armscye on the front pattern, though no darts were sewn on the dress.
- To construct the kimono sleeve and give the bodice a blousy structure, a new armhole and bodice shape is traced, first on the back pattern then the new shape is traced on the front pattern.
- Raised the shoulder point (SP) by 1.5 inches and reconnected to the Neck point (NP).
- Extended the new SP by a desired sleeve length of 13 inches long, the sleeve hem falls at my elbow.
- Sleeve circumference is 20 inches i.e. 10 inches on the flat pattern
- Connected lower sleeve hem to the waistline outer seam point with a smooth curve which adds ease to the bodice.
- In drafting the wrap around detail, I taped another half of the Front Pattern to create a full front pattern.
- Then, extended the Centre Front (CF) line of the first half at the waistline by 5.5 inches which fell inside the area of the second half.
- Reduced the shoulder width at the new SP by 1.5 inches which lowered the NP.
- Connecting the new NP to the extended CF point with a straight line created a V- neckline.
- A pencil skirt pattern was used in drafting the lower section of the dress. An alternative way would be to simply extend the hip line of the bodice pattern downwards to the desired dress length.
Attached a black border at the front neckline for some contrast. This was cut on the straight grain and sewn as follows:
- I wanted it 1.5 inches wide and cut a strip of fabric 3 inches wide and folded in half, including an 0.5 inch sewing allowance on both sides
- Right sides facing I attached it 1.5 inches from the edge of the main fabric as I wanted that portion of the Woodin sandwiched inside to give the border some structure
- Turned over and ‘stitched in the ditch’ from the front which concealed the stitching, rolling the seam allowance at the other end.
The belt was cut from the Woodin fabric, 1 inch wide and 98 inches long because I wanted it super long enough to go round my waist twice.
All the dress seams are wrapped with bias tape, sewn right side facing first, then rolled around and stitched again for a more secure attachment.
Both the sleeves and skirt were hemmed using a black satin ribbon. The ribbon was first machine sewn to the fabric, then hand sewn using discrete stitches. The hand needle was passed through the back of the ribbon, one-eight of an inch below the edge for invisible stitches. The back neckline was finished with bias tape.
Sewing this was pretty easy, with no darts, no lining as the fabric is super thick and no zip. A drama-free dress. 🙂
PS: Nollywood is Nigeria’s flourishing answer to Hollywood.
I love the fabric and what you did with it. And your writing style is superb…
Nollywood and their predictability….then ending the post with a sewing tutorial. Who would have thought?…..I enjoyed this. I really did.
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Hi Oyindamola,
I’m so sorry for not responding sooner, I lost track.
Lol… Yes, Nollywood plots are rather predictable, one can sometimes guess how the story line might go simply from the title of the movie
I sincerely appreciate your visit and your kind comment. 🙂
Enjoy the rest of the week.
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Hi Ms N.,
I must say your hair is lovely. Did you dye the thread? If yes, was it butterfly thread?
Good job with the Kimono dress, you did the woodin proud.
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Hello Ijeoma,
My sincere apologies for not responding sooner, I lost track.
No I didn’t dye the thread, it’s originally black. It’s fishing twine rope.
Lol @ “did the woodin proud” Thank you so much for your kind words. 🙂
Best wishes for the rest of the week.
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Shared on SSB. Thanks for permitting. https://www.facebook.com/SassySewingBees
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Thank you!
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I made a kimono jacket a few weeks ago, first time and I must creating the pattern was exhausting and time consuming but I pulled through and was successful. This is a very beautiful kimono, the vibrant colour of the fabric really goes well with your skin. Great choice of fabric really.
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I know what you mean, pattern drafting can be exhausting but the final outcome makes it worthwhile. I’m sure your kimono jacket turned out beautifully. Well done! 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind words, I really love that shade of red.
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It did turn out beautifully, thank you. Pattern drafting can make the whole process discouraging but wearing something you made your self is quite satisfying.
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I’m so wowed… Both the post and dress are on point. This is creativity at its best!
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Hello Bola,
Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words, means a lot to me. 🙂
Enjoy the rest of the week.
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Love Love Love the print!
It is giving me small Ghanian vibes.
It’s interesting how you turned a Blog Post into a mini script.
Talented Creative!
http://www.tukesquest.com
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Lol… I purchased it from the Woodin store in Accra a few years ago. The vibrant shade of red is so delicious.
Thank you for your kind words. 🙂
Have a lovely week.
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LOL! Im not sure what I expected this post to be about, but certainly not Nollywood plots. Thankfully the industry is evolving a bit and getting more creative with their films.
Great post, Nedu and I loved the dress too!
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Hi Ify,
Lol… Yes, the industry has evolved brilliantly, I’ve noticed that there’s a new generation of Nollywood players with modern and relatable ideas. The movies are great these days.
Thank you so much for stopping by. 🙂
Enjoy the rest of the week.
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I enjoyed this post, but not sure I did the tailoring lesson though.
😊😊😊
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Hi,
Lol… I know the tailoring might seem like it’s written in Greek to some. 😀
Thank you so much for reading.
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Apart from being a wonderful tailor, maybe you should also consider screenwriting. Just saying.
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Lol, thank you my dear, screen-writing sounds like a great back-up career plan. 😀
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It is. You should consider it at least.
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Wow I enjoyed reading this so much! You did such a great job, it looks absolutely fabulous on you! Have a great day!
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Hi Sofie,
I’m sincerely sorry for not replying sooner, I lost track somehow.
Thank you so much for reading this, I appreciate your kind words. 🙂
Have a lovely week.
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I want the Kimono! That’s all I see….all I dream about….
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Hi Adaeze,
Lol @ “dream about” 😀
Thank you so much for stopping by. Enjoy the rest of the week.
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Enjoyed every bit of the post. Your kimono is breath taking too.
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Hi Modupe,
Thank you so much! I love the fit. 🙂
Have a lovely weekend.
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Wow! That is really a beautiful dress. I like the warmth of the colors and the fact that the black didn’t have to fight with the red to be seen.
I really think you have a good eye for quality. 🙂
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Hi PBW,
Your kind compliment put a huge smile on my face. 🙂
Thank you so much, have a nice weekend.
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Are you sure you are not Chinese?
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Lol… I get asked that a lot. XD
100% Nigerianese.
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Nedu, what can I say??
The others have said it all already, haha. How much I enjoyed this post! As always, very enjoyable read and the dress? Fantastic.
Beautiful post from a beautiful lady!
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Hi Lady,
I sincerely appreciate your kind compliment.
I guess “Ghollywood” has its own moments too. 😀
Have a delightful weekend.
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Wow! What a beautiful creation, and it looks great on you! I’m going to learn so much about Nigerian culture from you via this blog. I never knew the name of the beautiful headwraps until today. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your gifts and your culture.
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Hi Michelle,
Thank you so much! Yes, “gèlè” is one of several names the head wraps is known by in my country. I am glad you learned a bit about my culture. 🙂
Have a lovely weekend.
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Hiya Darlyn! Kekime? You look great….chai!!!! Loving the hair, outfit style, fabric color, your finishing…#AlwaysSlaying 🙂
As for ndi Nollywood…I quickly found out that their version of “wrapped around your finger” is on another level. Westerners’ version is way more appealing. Well…we thank God for “New Nollywood”. 😉
Keep slaying darl! ♡♡♡
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Hello dear,
Odi mma. I trust that you are fine.
Lol….Your comment cracked me up. Yes, some Nollywood twists are on another level but sometimes their stories are based on real-life experiences. 😀
Thank you so much for your kind words, made my day!
Warm regards.
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LOL. You got the Nollywood twists so right! I smiled. I laughed. And cried as I read through.
You are beautiful, Nedoux. Lovely design and style. You look fab in it. 🙂
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Hi Amaka,
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind compliment, I am glad this amused you.
Nollywood is sometimes predictable, but there are unexpected angles too. 😀
Enjoy the rest of the week.
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My dear I do believe red is your color. That kimono is gorgeous. The black border really makes the fabric pop. I’d like to be able to sew like this one day. I’ve bookmarked this page because since I’ve never sewed, “one day” is very far off. Ha! Take care.
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Hi,
Ah! I love red. Thank you so much for your kind comment.
I am so glad to hear that, sewing is such a thrifty skill that helps you build your own style. I am more than happy to help you when that “one day” comes. 😀
Have a great week.
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Apt description of Nollywood. The plot of those movies never cease to amuse me. Now on to your dress (abi kimono)..it is FIRE! That red compliments your skin tone in the most beautiful way, and the silhouette is just perfect on your frame. Your hair–gorgeous!
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Hi Lady CT,
Lol…Very amusing.
Ah! I’ve never met a red that I didn’t like, it’s a colour that always means business. 😀
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m glad the dress turned out nice.
Have a beautiful week.
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I just fell in love ! The association of the dress shape and the fabric is amazing ! And your finishes are so clean. I really love it
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Hi,
Thank you so much! I love the fit of the dress.
I am always so happy to meet another sewing enthusiast. 🙂
Have a great week.
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Perhaps…
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🙂
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Love your sense of humor and the dress is gorgeous. I look forward to your post, they areally always entertaining ….oh and your hair I absolutely love it!
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Hi Timeka,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am happy about the fit and colour of this dress.
Have a lovely weekend! 🙂
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Ahhh! I love my Nollywood movies, especially the Yoruba ones. No matter how terribly written the scripts are, I come back for more. I watched a few good ones lately. Check out Metomi, if you have the time and don’t mind reading the English subtitles. Lol 🙂
Such a pretty dress. I like the bold pattern. I’ve been practicing sewing, but not sure what to make first.
What’s your e-mail address?
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Hi Seun,
I enjoy watching the subtitled Yoruba movies, it helps me improve my understanding of the language. I will check out Metomi this weekend, thank you for the recommendation. 🙂
I sincerely appreciate your kind words. I am so glad to hear that you’ve been practising, the first thing that I ever sewed was a basic skirt, I was so proud of myself when I finished. Lol
My email address is – nedouxxx@gmail.com.
Have a lovely weekend.
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What a fabulous Kimono!
Love the wooden fabric. I know what you mean by the thickness. it makes wooden so rich and sturdy when ironed.
P.S. I nearly keeled over laughing. Remote Control 1, 2 and 3 Graaaaaab your copy and Juju Radar. Hehehe.
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Hi Ummi,
Thank you so much! I like how comfortable it is.
The fabric is so yummy.
Lol, no dull moment in Nollywood, gotta love it. 🙂
Warm regards.
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Oh my days 🙂 Thank you for the free movie entertainment and laughs. Ha! E don tay when I come watch A Magic. Chai!! I have to look for home video shop. I enjoyed the post thoroughly. Lovely wrap dress and hair do. I did that hair sometime back and to lie down sleep for the first few weeks na wahala, though it got better after. Well done girl.
Let me use the opportunity to invite you to the Bloggers brunch that I am hosting over the weekend Saturday – Sunday. I believe it will be fun to mingle with others. The invitation is titled, It’s Brunch Party Time. I will send one out again tomorrow. My regards.
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Hi Jackie,
Ah! You know Nollywood doesn’t disappoint, some of the stories swing back and forth between reality and fantasy almost seamlessly, I love it. 😀
Thank you so much for your kind comment. While I’ve enjoyed the compliments that this hairstyle has brought my way, I must admit that sleeping with it has been quite tasking, I can’t sleep on my back. Lol
See you at the Brunch, thanks for the invitation.
Warm regards.
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Hmmmm… Nedu the Nollywood part is so funny… reading your blog am never disappointed
always leaving wanting more.
Am so loving the dress… hehe…hopefully I will get a material like that some day so I can make my own copy of the dress.
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Hi Christy,
Watching some Nollywood movies requires open-mindness and a good sense of humour. 😀
I sincerely appreciate your kind words and support. I’d love to see your own copy.
Warm regards.
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This is a beautiful Kimono!
I am not calling it simple yet, until I can make one :). You have made indelible impression already, thank you. I have bought some materials and ribbons (as the girls ordered :)) They are off school for Easter on Friday so we are going to experiment making dresses – I’ll show you the outcome.
Oh, and that hair style suit you well.
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Hi Folake,
Ah! You are most welcome, I am so happy to hear that you are working towards sewing, I look forward to seeing the outcome. It will be a lovely way of bonding with your girls. 😀
Thank you so much for your kind compliment.
Best wishes for the rest of the week.
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NEDU!!!! I am so in love with your hair, are you SEEERRIOUS, chai!! When you said your hair was threaded, I had this woeful pic of me with my threaded ‘snake hair’ in primary school but if this is what the style has matured into, sign me up!
And loving your kaftan, what a great idea to use the print in that way.
I go through phases with my Nollywd movies, sometimes I’m all in and other times I cant bear the predictable drama….
I’d love to have a guy wrapped around my finger but just for a day as I need a guy who can keep me on my toes, haha!
Ps you look gorrrrgeous and tres chic, have a gd wk hon! ( :
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Hi Biki,
Lol @ “snake hair”. Thank you so much, this “Indomie noodles” thread style has a retro vibe that I really like.
Yes, Nollywood is predictable in an entertaining way, but sometimes I don’t have the energy for all that over-exaggerated drama.
Ah! I’d love to have a guy somewhere in the middle, madly in love to be wrapped around my finger but manly enough to keep me on on toes. Best of both worlds. XD
Have a wonderful rest-of-the-week dear !
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Wow. You really are talented!
Hahaha. Nollywood movies are so interesting to watch.
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Hi Doc Fomsky,
Thank you so much!
Yes, the movies are dramatic and very entertaining. 😀
Enjoy the rest of the week.
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Nedu it was so lovely to finally meet you! Before I could get to the point we got carried away with other topics. That email is coming I promise.
I don’t even know much about sewing (though I’ve been burning to learn for years) but I read through your description of the process like I knew what I was reading. Lol. The power of your Nollywood tale. Everything you write is so captivating that even your commenters start to channel your style. Hehehe. Always a treat to read them.
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Hi Sandra,
It was so lovely to meet you too! 😀
Sewing is a great skill, you can create garments to suit your own style.
Thank you so much for your support, means a lot to me. It’s one thing to write but it’s only worthwhile when people read and enjoy it.
Warm regards.
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Haha! I enjoyed reading this.
The dress is perfect and The material is so beautiful too , I’m already planning my woodin material shopping. 💟💕😍
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Hi Tonye,
Thank you so much for reading. 🙂
The fabric is really nice, I am glad that I purchased it.
Best wishes for the rest of the week.
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Ah. Nollywood!
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Hi Chuma,
Many are the Ahs and Ohs that Nollywood elicits. 😀
Enjoy the rest of the week.
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Hahaha
Bikonu! Don’t mock our A- list movie producers and actors! We👏love 👏them👏this👏way😭😂😂
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Hi Oluchee,
Ah! I am a big fan of Nollywood, they keep it real, gently reminding us of how limitless our capabilities are if only we’d test ourselves. 😀
Besides, it is the story of own lives that motivates the producers, Like my mum would say “These movies are reality o”.
Enjoy the rest of the week.
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I saw the title of the post first and I knew you had made a wrap dress or something… I love the way you write; i dont want any of your posts to end 🙁
Ps: I’m going to make a kimono for myself. It’s looks so gorgeous
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Hi Tobi,
Lol @ “wrap dress or something” You guessed right! 😀
Thank you so much for reading, means a lot to me.
I hope you blog about your own kimono, I’d love to see it.
Warm regards.
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Beautiful beautiful beautiful. I love the dress and the photos.
Speaking of Nollywood, you’re so right when you mention that even though the stories can be far-fetched, sometimes our own lives can attract or have Nollywood-ish drama.
Berry Dakara Blog
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Hi Berry,
Thank you so much for your kind comment. 🙂
Indeed, it is our real-time drama that feeds the imagination of the Nollywood script writers.
Warm regards!
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I almost cried while reading this… From laughing too hard! You really should write scripts, this was so effortless- the reading that is. You perfectly described most of the movies on Afmag Epic- my mother’s favourite channel.
Then came the dress! I’ll have to come and raid your wardrobe for these your classic pieces, I’d even jog every morning if that’s what it takes to fit into them.
Everything about the dress, I loved. From the vibrant red to the unusual style- a kimono style ankara gown… Only you Nedu! To the hair and the shoes and the red lipstick, saying you slayed is a serious understatement.
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Hi Adaeze,
Lol… My mother loves AfMag too, she finds the movies very relatable. 😀
Thank you so much, you are so kind! Daalu nwannem.
Ah! I have a thing for red, it is such a confident colour.
Best wishes for the rest of the week.
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Lovely post.
Lovely dress.
Touch notch writer and tailor.
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Hi Chioma,
Thank you for your kind words. 🙂
Best wishes for the rest of the week
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Oh my word!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
Nedu, Nedu, Nedu, just negodu how many times you made me call your name in awe….so it’s not enough that your ineffable, inexplicably hilarious mind leaves me in stitches of awe everytime, you go on to make such mouthwatering, graciously-resplendent outfits that I can only admire from afar?
Nedu Nne, negodu first, is this life?
No problems. It’s okay.
I hereby this day, take a vow. I shall not beg anymore.
I shall lovingly haunt you down and come understudy you so I can make this striking outfits for myself.
What’s that saying; Don’t give a man fish, teach him to fish…no?
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Hi Lizzie,
Thank you so much for your kind words, means a lot to me. Your comments always leave me in stitches. @ “Negodu” XD
Lol. …Indeed. You’ve given me “fishy” food for thought. I’m considering recording You Tube tutorials. I hope I don’t procrastinate about it though, it would be great to show people that sewing is doable.
Have a wonderful rest-of-the-week.
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I’m glad I could return the laughter-inducing favour. Hehehe.
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Youtube tutorials? Yes! Yes! Yes!
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😀
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Wow!!
You’re such an amazing dress maker!
And you write excellently welll!!!
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Hi Kunmi,
Thank you so much for your kind words, I hope you’ve been sewing too. 🙂
Have a lovely rest-of-the-week.
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I truly enjoy this! You are simply a gifted writer, a swordsmith of some sort.
I actually love this kimono dress, so on point!! I actually thought you were vacating in China – the first picture deceive me.
Awesome article as usual. Thumb up
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Hi Immanuel,
Thank you so much, your kind words put a smile on my face.
Lol @ “China vacation”. The kimono style has Asian origins. 😀
Best wishes for the rest of the week.
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I want my own Kimono dress. 😍.
P. S. Nollywood can do no wrong.
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Hi IJ,
Lol, thank you dear.
Indeed, Nollywood can do no wrong, our real lives inspire the script writers. 😀
Enjoy the rest of the week.
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Hi there –
I’m seeing a Nollywood screenplay somewhere down the road for you. Shall we call it “Pepper Soup”? 😉
That kimono is actually delectable. So lovely that I want to eat it. Who knew clothing would get to that point for me? And I love how you styled it with the strappy shoes and the red lippy. Well done, talented lady!
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Hi Lady MM,
Lol… Hmmm, you’ve given me “spicy” food for thought. My imagination runs wild sometimes, which is clearly the requisite for script writing in Nollywood. I suppose I’m qualified in that regard, career change here I come! XD
My love affair with red lippy continues, it’s becoming something of a signature look.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Have a lovely rest-of-the week.
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All you need is a pen and imagination! 🙂 🙂 You’re welcome. (And that red lippy…I feel you. I cannot abide by any other colors for too long lol)
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Oooh Nedu, I had a good laugh reading this. Your outfit is beautiful. I’m not a fan of the color red but this 😍😍😍
Epiphany29.com
How I Styled My Sweatshirt
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Hi Grace,
Ah! Nollywood is funny.
Thank you so much, I am quite obsessed with the colour- red lips, red nail polish and red dress. 😀
Have a super rest-of the-week.
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