Pee-shaoon!

Pink gun love

If I had on my posh ajebutter hat,  I’d have titled this post “Bang-Bang” mimicking the sound of a gun expelling bullets.

The tragic news of senseless killings, regardless of where it happens, always touches me deeply. I empathise with those caught in the crossfire of thoughts within another person’s disturbed mind and sympathise with their loved ones.  Everyone is entitled to the right to die a more dignified death.

Recently, I was surprised to learn that a man responsible for mass shootings in the US simply walked into a licensed store and purchased two guns with the casual ease of buying Bazooka bubble gum.

I wondered, what would be the motive for purchasing a gun? What else could guns possibly be used for? So, to give those who make lax regulations that piggyback on the second amendment the benefit of the doubt, I made a list of possible alternatives outside of firing and killing:

  1. Attach a silencer, and whisk eggs
  2. Long double-barrelled ones used as telescopes, all the better to see you with my dear 
  3. As a water hose nozzle
  4. To scratch one’s back, there’s this spot right in the middle that’s usually hard to reach
  5. To light up the gas cooker, my friend kindly suggested this
  6. To hang at the top of a Christmas tree, being shiny and all
  7. To smack down the snooze button on a pesky bedside alarm clock
  8. Ladies will love this one; To trace that diagonal line for cheekbone contouring

This list is by no means exhaustive, the possibilities are endless, really.

And as we Third World citizens are wont to do, I made comparisons between societies, highlighting our own flaws and shortcomings with self-deprecating, good-natured humour that in no way undermines the severity of the issue being analysed.  In these parts, satire is our middle name,  it’s become our way of addressing societal issues, it subtly makes things slightly more bearable and easier to wrap around the head.

Rather laughably, we get overly defensive if non-Nigerians repeat our exact sentiments when our internal issues are placed in the spotlight. We prefer to hold exclusive rights to criticise ourselves.

Well, I considered why this chewing gum gun business won’t work in Nigeria.

It goes without saying that it’s not because we have a stellar law enforcement agency, for our police officers themselves need more protection than they could possibly give to us.  Personally, I don’t expect to see flashing red and blue lights á la NYPD Blue, barely five minutes after calling 112, our equivalent of 911. We proactively protect ourselves with false bravado, steel gates and the assurance of divine intervention.

It won’t work because most people walk around with raw anger, the sort that bubbles quietly underneath. Blame the heat, blame the economy, blame the politics or even blame blame itself.

Anyway,  if one had the licence to carry a firearm and owned a pistol. I imagine it would be a pink chrome, gloriously chic looking piece of metal. The thought of that girly and lethal combo makes me quite giddy.

Picture one sitting in bumper-to-bumper Lagos traffic, baking under scorching heat that all the Fan Ice Yogo carefully manufactured in Ibadan cannot abate.  Then, reckless danfo bus driver with a sense of entitlement comes along and smashes one’s tail lights.  One simply closes one’s left eye for better aim and Pee-shaoon! deflates bus tires, that’ll teach him a lesson in road use etiquette.

Picture an overzealous LASTMA or FRSC officer asking one about the expiry date of tires that work perfectly fine. The way I see it, whilst still attached to a car fuelled at a hefty ₦145 per litre, expired tires are a small compromise in the grand scheme of things.  So, between making empty small talk with the officer and handing over one’s driving licence, one smoothly retrieves gun along with the other car papers from the glove compartment and places gun on the passenger seat like it deserves to sit down all by itself, big girl style.

One would then proceed to alternately break eye contact with the officer and look meaningfully at the passenger seat. He’d quickly learn a life-long lesson about discernment before letting that sly “Anything for the boys?” slip past his lips.

One’s neighbour’s dog disturbing one’s sleep. Pee-shaoon! No, not to eliminate the poor thing, a warning shot in the air might frighten it into reconsidering this silly business of barking continuously at 5:00 am daily. Alas, that might be counterproductive because most dogs would bark even louder after being startled like that.

If every driver carried a licenced pistol, Lagos roads would be littered with bleeding bodies, because if one were able to harness energy from the collective frustrations of offensive-defensive/defensive-offensive driving during Third Mainland Bridge peak hour commute, it would produce enough electricity to power the whole country. Those affiliated with BRF, take note.

Come to think of it, perhaps, we’d treat each other with more courtesy if we had a chewing gum gun policy. Packing metal would serve as an unspoken “No-BS zone” warning of sorts.

Ah, but no point placing a keg of petrol in the hands of a man smoking a cigarette. Not so? 🙂

Sign

Pic: Valfre
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78 comments

    1. Hi Ike,

      Ah, but what is life without a little repurposing here and there? Lol

      Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words. 🙂

      Have a super happy weekend!

      Like

  1. I’ve had this post opened on my laptop since you published it because I wanted to remember to leave a comment. Love how you talk about serious things in a funny way. I’ve often thought about what would happen if Nigerians had access to guns. Gosh!.

    America needs to re-visit its gun laws. Fast!

    http://www.KacheeTee.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Dami,

      I accept, thank you so much.

      For some reason this has made me very happy, feels quite like ice-cream on a hot day. 🙂

      Best wishes!

      Like

  2. Do you know till now, I’ve imagined other things in pink or purple. Like scented candles, a water-bottle, glass frames, ipad cover etc but I’ve never imagined a gun in pink. Haha, you’ve put this idea in my head now eh. But I laughed while reading it, especially the part where the gun had to sit in the passengers seat and not shooting the ‘poor dog’ Lmao! And whisking eggs after attaching a silencer. Only Nedoux can think that way. Only Nedoux. *grins* and shakes my head.

    Okay let me get serious, see the way you turned something sad into something beautiful. You’ve got a way with words and you just like intimidating us with it shaaaaa *sideeye*
    But coming to think of it, have human beings become this way? Picking a gun and shooting your fellow man. Taking life just like that? It’s horrific when I realize what we are capable of without Jesus. Even morality cannot hold back the adamic nature of mankind. It keeps going and going till the race is reduced to nothing. Sometimes it makes me wish Christ would come sooner.

    But Jesus said something, ‘Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.’

    I enjoyed reading from you, as always 🙂 xo!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Itunu,

      Have I told you how delightful your comments are? You have a great personality and it shines brightly even through your words. 🙂

      Honestly, this gun palava is tiresome. Humans have always been a certain way right from the days of Cain and Abel. I don’t think that granting them permission to own tools that assist them when they unleash their violence, is reasonable at all.

      I agree with you, it goes beyond morality sometimes. I know God sees all, and my prayer is that the spirit of love stays in the heart of everyone.

      Thank you so much for sharing your insightful thoughts, I enjoyed reading, as always.

      Best wishes!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. xoxoxoxoxo!! Thank you for your kind compliment. You have an aura of warmth radiating around you too.

        Oh and I forgot to add. The title of your post had me saying Pee-shaoon out loud. When I’m alone though. Hehe. Wait, did we grow up in the same neighborhood as kids? Anytime I remember this title I just laugh to myself.

        Much love. xo!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Olaitan,

      Lol… Thank you so much for reading.

      Ah, there are two sides to most coins, and when the good becomes overshadowed by the not-so-good, issues arise. 🙂

      Enjoy the rest of the week.

      Like

  3. I have so terribly missed you Nedoux.

    How are you?

    Another beautiful piece. It delivers satire and a high level intelligence that is absolutely gorgeous.

    Shebi “everyone is entitled to die a dignified death” abi?

    Yesterday, a young man died. His exit from this world was void of any type of respect. Less than a rat.
    He was killed around Maryland, Lagos. Chased to his death and crushed by a moving BRT by the very same people instituted by the government to kick against indiscipline (KAI). A group birthed out of dysfunction, victims by themselves.

    My heart bled. I wept.

    How was he lacking in discipline? He was trying to survive! To sell his wares on a tray. That’s all. Meanwhile, the incentive to arrest is how much the officials can acquire, for themselves, off these hustling street hawkers.

    May guns not find an unrestrained stray into our nation, tufiakwa!

    My mind cannot begin to picture the kinds of killings that would become order of the day but i know it will not be anything as fine as the picture you have painted in this piece with your sexy pink chrome, gloriously chic gun.

    It will not.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Flo!

      I am fine, thank you. I trust that you are well too. 🙂

      Ah, the death of that young man in Maryland broke my heart into a thousand pieces, it was so unnecessary, he was just trying to survive and hustle for his daily bread in a country that does nothing for the masses.

      It’s an irony that the same unsupportive country would still try to frustrate his efforts at self-sustenance. Sad!

      Indeed, it will not be as fine, it would be a horrid nightmare.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, have a lovely, happy weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Nedoux, tracked you down from NSG’s blog. Then proceeded to devour all your articles, past and present. You should have put a clear warning that probably reads “Sarcastically Toxic ” or “Consume in Minimal quantity”.

    Anyway, this article clearly shows my stance when a friend said that Nigeria should adopt a liberal policy on firearms. He works with LAWMA, so I just told him that Lawma will have more dead bodies to pick up than water sachets.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Joefred,

      Your comment cracked me up big time. @ “more dead bodies to pick up than water sachets” XD

      I also imagine that the roadside sellers would add firearms to their stock of petty wares sold to drivers crawling through traffic. One would conveniently purchase a Gala sausage roll, LaCasera apple drink and pistol in one go.

      Lol @ “Sarcastically Toxic”. Ah, it’s all good natured humour, isn’t it sometimes easier to analyse these daily palava with the hint of a smile on one’s face?

      Thank you so much for visiting, I do hope you’ll stop by again.

      Best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Like

  5. Lmao @To smack down the snooze button on a pesky bedside alarm clock. Er well, like you said, satire must be worn well to be able to survive these perilous times. I really enjoyed this post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Toin,

      Lol… Especially on Monday mornings.

      Indeed, satire is the dash of honey that helps the bitter agbo go down. 😉

      Thank you so much for reading, best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. oh btw I think Nigerians will do better with guns just because I think the people in that country genuinely love each other ( excluding boko haram of course). it is a place where if you don’t see your neighbor for just one day you will go and check on them. In America you can be dead in a house for a year and your neighbors won’t even know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol… Ah, never say never. Anger has a way of blinding rational thinking, plus there’s that thin line between hate and love.

      But I do know what you mean about the “Love”, I believe there’s more sense of communal connection in Nigeria.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, I enjoyed reading your comment. 🙂

      Best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Like

  7. I laughed way too many times while reading this. I can actually imagine an average Nigeria being able to get a gun easily. I don’t think Nigerians will kill each other as much as Americans do. Americans has put guns in the hands of people smoking cigarette and now every citizen of this “great” country lives in fear. It drives me nuts to think I could have easily been the one in that club. Like, can I just party in peace?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Folake,

      I’m glad that you saw both the lighter side and the message within. 🙂

      That’s the sad part, it could have been anyone caught within the hail of flying bullets. These tragic events cause people to live in fear, which then breeds prejudice and hatred. It’s a vicious cycle.

      Like

  8. Another lovely post Nedoux. Recently I asked a friend if he practiced his second amendment rights and he said “yes”. Believe me I viewed him differently and I imagined if he had a temper and we got in a horrid fight…….

    I’m sure the wolf of red riding hood would really appreciate the double-barrelled gun. 😉 and I’m reminded of the madam in Tom and Jerry trying to eliminate Jerry with one.

    You’re right about a lot of people walking around with raw anger and when someone said to ne that Nigerians are aggressive I almost jumped to defend, but I couldn’t because it was staring us right in the face as we spoke.

    I shiver to imagine citizens of present day Nigeria walking about with licenced guns.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Inez,

      The way I see it, human emotions can be volatile and some people have thin thresholds. I’m certain that the second amendment wasn’t intended to aid all of these tragic events, but humans naturally abuse certain privileges.

      Yes, the Big Bad Wolf inspired that one. 😀

      Ah, I shiver at the thought of that too, our country is already fraught with tension.

      Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts, have a lovely week.

      Like

    1. Hi Idu,

      Thank you so much for reading, I’m glad that you find this relatable. 🙂

      I agree with you, it comes down to wickedness, the sort that blinds one to their own humanity. An upside-down world, it’s disheartening.

      Have a lovely new week.

      Like

  9. Your writing Nedoux, Jeez..

    It’s sad times we live in where the wickedness of man is at such highs, and is often being openly justified. The blame can be placed on many factors including weak gun laws as pointed out already, religious zealousness and fanaticism, lack of basic love and humanity in people, etc, It’s endless.

    It is also one of the few reasons why i am grateful to be Nigerian living in Nigeria. Our country is tough and poor, but we are kind of shielded from some of these ‘big man/western’ problems, at least to some extent, for the time being.

    People here wake up angry and go to bed even angrier, i cannot imagine the extreme horror that our lives will be if guns become common…

    SkyNotFancy
    SNF Best 8 IG Accounts

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sky,

      I particularly like how you highlighted some of the other factors that influence such distasteful behaviour. Divisive walls built from hate-filled blocks.

      Lol @ “wake up angry and go to bed even angrier”. Yes somewhat shielded but every society has its own peculiar issues. Ours are mostly economic, poverty is at an all-time high, and emotions are raging at the glaring injustice.

      Indeed, if a hungry man is an angry man, then a hungry, angry and gun-totting man would be not unlike a ticking time-bomb. 🙂

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. You seriously are cracking me up here Nedu…Funny list of possible alternatives for gun use… But seriously thank God the law does not apply here in Naija o… Cos hmmm.. I can just imagine the number of bodies we will sight on the streets. Nice one Nedu

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Seyi,

      Ah yes, a list of non-fatal alternatives to lend some credibility to the popular saying “Guns don’t kill people, People kill people”. 🙂

      Lol… I thank God for that too, the number of violent non-gun crimes is already bad enough, as it were.

      Thank you so much for reading this, best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Like

  11. Ah Nedu, I’ve missed your writing, Chewing Gum Gun laws: love it!
    Hon there is so much to write about this, I dont know where to start. Right now in America, UK etc there are so many homosexual and trans campaigns, men kissing to raise money etc- I get why they are doing this but for me the overriding problem here is America’s Gun Laws, yes there is a Homophobia issue etc but the thing is on level there will always be Homophobes, racists, people with mental illness etc.

    The thing is what laws do we have in place to protect ourselves from such people? How do we stop giving them the power to exercise their hate in such a catastrophic manner? I am seeing less in the press about this and erm that’s just what America may want as for reasons they know best, they continue not to change their laws…

    And Haha! to your different Lagos Gun Scenarios, lax gun laws just wouldnt work here/there and glory be to Jesus for that! Have a lovely week hon ( :

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi dear,

      I’ve missed your hilarious comments. I am still laughing at loud at “Glory be to Jesus for that” 😀

      I like your point of view, we live in times that are fraught with prejudices, religious & racial biases, the divisive lines deeply founded in hate have never been so prominent. Porous guns policies end up being counterproductive.

      Ah, that sort of laxity in Lagos would be fatal, people already squeeze triggers in their heads. To put real triggers in their fingers would be disastrous, to say the least.

      Come to think of it, I imagine that roadside traders would even sell guns in Lagos traffic, those guys have got hustle for days! Lol

      Thank you so much for sharing your delightful thoughts, best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. So so sad. Lives wiped out forever in a matter of seconds. For absolutely no reason.

    I just do not understand these westerners. This part is where I agree with Piers Morgan. I guess that’s why Americans detest him majorly.

    As for our Naija folks..haaa! I will quietly emigrate to another African country should they decide to “act” like the westerners in terms of gun laws and policies. No one could survive the Nigerian temperament. Especially with a gun inside the matter now. 🙂

    Been a while here, babes. So much going on. Blog will come. Just not now. Do take care! :*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Lady!

      Yes, heartbreaking and senseless. I believe that the US populace is divided regarding some of their gun policies, not everyone agrees with it. Sadly, innocent victim keep paying the dear price with their lives.

      Lol @ “quietly emigrate” You are right, the Nigerian temperament has never been more explosive than it is now, there’s so much ongoing palava that’s wiping smiles off people’s faces. Adding guns into that mix would be catastrophic. 🙂

      Thank you so much for reading this dear.

      Best wishes for the rest of the week.

      PS: I always check your site from time to time. I understand, sometimes life gets really busy.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Agreed!

    God knows the number of people I have already shot in my head because of stupid driving while in Nigeria. It’s a good thing we don’t have easy access to guns like here. I read some data that said 37% of traffic fatalities in The States were found to be caused by firearms!

    *le sigh*

    Berry Dakara Blog

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Berry,

      I laughed so hard @ “Shot in my head”. Ah, I know you mean, Lagos driving is not for the faint-hearted. Some drivers stay bringing out the worst in one on the steady, like it’s their life’s mission.

      Wow! The stats on that are jaw-dropping.

      Thank you for stopping by, enjoy the rest of the week. 🙂

      Like

  14. “It’s good for us all to own a gun as long as we can identify who the common enemy is, because if we can’t then we are all in trouble.”
    Heard this on a program and couldn’t agree more.
    Very funny post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Chioma,

      That quote speaks volumes. I agree too. Things will naturally escalate into chaos if we lose sight of the bigger picture.

      Thank you so much for sharing this, enjoy the rest of the week. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. This is a serious matter but I’m laughing foolishly. You have a way of painting humour into a serious issue. I can’t even begin to fathom and understand the useless reason for backing the laxity of gun sales in the US. It’s not only appalling and alarming, it’s quite worrying that congressmen who ought to have better sense than this are finding excuses to back such constant misuse of firearms. Then I guess it’s all about the big bucks (that they will leave behind when they die) and it doesn’t matter whose ass is gored.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Sis,

      It’s sometimes easier to dissect serious issues with a humorous scalpel. 🙂

      Someone likened it to a paradox- Making guns easy to access and then lamenting when such allowances are misused.

      Indeed, all about the big bucks. I blame the spirit of capitalism, putting profits before propriety.

      In a way I can also relate this to the issue of epileptic electricity in Nigeria, I would imagine that those who profit from the sale of power generators would not be too keen on seeing a permanent improvement in the power sector.

      Thank you so much for stopping by, I really enjoyed reading your point of view.

      Best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are right my dear. Those who are reaping profits from these situations are never keen to see anything that will impede their greedy grabbing. It doesn’t matter how many lives are lost or poorly affected. The best of the rest of the week to you too.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Michelle,

      Indeed, the tragedy has shaken everyone regardless of their nationality. The events of that day are heartbreaking and still very difficult to comprehend, no one deserves to be killed that way.

      The remarkable thing is how the global community always puts aside its differences and becomes united in both grief and the outcry against such wrongdoings.

      Thank you so much for stopping by, enjoy the rest of the week. 🙂

      Like

  16. To trace that diagonal line for cheekbone contouring? Hahahaha you!

    Honestly I wonder why we need guns. Why allow someone to own a gun then you lament when he uses it? That’s somehow paradoxical to me.

    Humans have hardly been known to control their anger and in my opinion, guns provide a quick outlet to those who can’t control their emotions.

    I’m not even going to buy toy guns for my kids. Ha.

    Precious Core Blog

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Precious,

      Yes, place barrel against cheeks, trace, blend and voila! cheekbones for days.

      Your comment summed up the crux of this post concisely. 🙂

      Indeed, that is easily one of the most significant paradoxes in recent times. Give a person easy access to a gun, to do what with? That the second amendment would be abused is hardly surprising. The tragic killings are heartbreaking.

      Ah, teddy bears are much nicer, cuddly too.

      Thank you for sharing your insightful thoughts, best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Hopefully that would never be our fate. Even the ones that swore to protect us make the news on illegal discharges here and there. I don’t even walk on the same side of the road when I see a policeman approaching my direction with a gun. RIP to those who lost their lives in the shoot out.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi NSG,

      Spot on! The Nigerian Police officer is a classic example of why a gun should not be handed to an angry, frustrated person.

      I have read too many cases of “accidental discharges” by AK- 47 rifle wielding police officers, most of which are actually wilful intentions to fatally injure the victim for all sort of reasons, ranging from an irrational need to play the power game to a warped sense of entitlement.

      Lol…. I do the same thing reflexively, changing lanes whenever I see them.

      Thank you so much for sharing your insightful comment. 🙂

      Have a lovely week.

      Like

  18. Agree totally on the raw anger, your vivid description of plausible scenarios to unleash on the ‘perpetrators’ was incredible, funny but too real 🙂

    One that gets me here was the expiry date on tires, is that a thing? God safe me with Naija rule, how does that even make any sense? Tire depth is measured by a gauge or a coin to determine road worthiness, wear and tear of tire is determined by usage/mileage – why did my people come up with this rule?

    You can see why they’d get a pee-shaoon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Folake,

      Funny how we sometimes spend time plotting battles inside our heads against those who aggrieve us wrongfully. Lagos roads are the battle field and road rage is the ammunition. 😀

      Ah, it’s a thing. Apparently tires have their manufacturing dates inscribed on them, so there’s a new road use policy that says that one’s tires must not be older than 5 years. The FRSC has the authority to seize non-compliant vehicles.

      There is also an importation ban on second hand tires.

      They keep missing the point, in a country where the average man is focused on looking for his daily bread to fill his stomach, are brand new tires his priority? especially after fuelling the car at the increased rate?

      Apparently, driving a private car on Nigerian roads is now only for those who can afford it.

      Lol… They’d need that fantasised pre – Pee.shaoon. A silent warning.

      Thank you so much for stopping by, I always enjoy your comments. 🙂

      Best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nedoux, if obeying simple law is the yardstick to eternity, we need to hold Naija govt responsible as I can see many will not make it, some of our laws are made to be broken. How on earth can anyone use ‘used by’ date on tires? I know the only people who wouldn’t follow this rule are new drivers, wise ones will spot the flaws.
        Although I drive during week day for school runs, rest of the journey to and fro work is train as quicker. Haven’t changed my tires in 6 years as it is still within legal thread depth, someone who commutes longer journey would need replacement much more often than me.
        Whatever the rationale for this law is beyond my understanding

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I laughed so hard at this, you always manage to write serious-minded comments that are still funny to me. XD

          Ah, indeed, the Lord would have to indulge some Nigerians on that day of judgement because some laws are just not fit to be obeyed. Laws that defy common sense.

          My tires are 2 years old but I have that thread depth argument written down in my head for the day any FRSC officer decided to ask me about expiry date. Before answering, I’ll first request to check their tires of their official van, after all, charity should begin at home.

          Have a lovely new week!

          Liked by 1 person

  19. The way you tackle serious issues with humor and satire, I like.
    About the gun violence thing, if we imported it into Nigeria, we’d all be dead.
    I remember having a serious group discussion cum argument in my jurisprudence class as to this same issue. Sad to see it continuing.
    Bit I’d really love a car that has preset pumps to disintegrate the tires of inconsiderate eejits. Anyone who can design that? Step forward please.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Uju,

      Sometimes, a spoonful of sugar helps the bitter medicine go down easier. 🙂

      I agree with you, a lax gun policy will not work in Nigeria. Some people are already like walking time-bombs. Kontri hard…

      Lol @ “eejits” The word “disintegrate” gave me a rather satisfying thrill, I imagined the tire being there one minute, and then absolutely disappearing the next minute.

      Note to designer: I’d like a car with a discreet pipe that forcefully expels sharp nails. One or two pricks would reset the warped thinking of The Pricked. Some people drive with their brains in the booths of their cars.

      Thank you so much for sharing your kind comment, best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Hi there your lordship!

      When shall we start?.

      I will like your lordship to take care of the legislative part to commensurate our design and manufacturing part

      Liked by 2 people

  20. “It goes without saying that it’s not because we have a stellar law enforcement agency, for our police officers themselves need more protection than they could possibly give to us” . gbam!!

    This post is rather thought provoking laden with comical infusion of some high pedigree of smash intelligent.
    I simply love this post!! I laughed some tears out while reading this.

    That danfo driver scene you describe is simply epic! Ha! That will drive them to drink meekly from the bosom of civility and gentleness.

    Seriously I wondered why its very easy to get a gun than helping the refugees fleeing war torn areas.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Immanuel,

      I’m glad that you saw the subtle humour within this piece, I find that it’s sometimes easier to swallow societal issues when they are diluted with the comical.

      Lol @ “Bosom of civility and gentleness”. Indeed, that fantasised “Pee-shaoon” will immediately reform his attitude to one of considerateness. Those guys behave like everyone else is a second class citizen on the road.

      I like your point of view, it’s all about misplaced priorities, I guess.

      Thank you so much for contributing your thoughts, best wishes for the rest of the week. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I agree with you, there ought to be a pass mark for such mental tests. if one passes, they drive and if they fail, they ride.

          Ah, but some Nigerians will still find ways to circumvent the system, by giving the evaluators “a little something for the weekend”. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  21. I have lighter for the gas cooker it looks like a gun ^_^
    Hahahahha but telescopic sites would make great binoculars, so I can see you better ^_^

    You see a smoking gun and your first thought should be hey look at that gun smoking a cigarette, how cool it looks and not wonder who just got shot at…

    And the smoking man, you don’t want to give him a barrel of petrol because give a man a gun, warm him up for a day but set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life….

    Gun hey.

    ~B

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol… And there I was thinking that the original idea was all mine, that’s a great product idea for a lighter. I once saw a lipstick tube shaped like a gun. That’s bound to give one a smoking hot pout.

      The way that I see it, when access to guns becomes overly porous, it only gives people with ulterior motives a playing field. Sadly for the innocent victims.

      I can’t imagine such privileges working in the society where I live, some people already walk around with enough pent-up frustrations, as it were. The ‘smoking men’. 🙂

      Thank you for chipping in, enjoy the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. hahahahhah a smoking hot pout …. interesting visual though, what? I have runaway imagination….
        a pleasure have an enjoyable week yourself
        ~B

        Like

  22. I’d always wanted a car that had hidden pumps to squirt conc acid on danfos that try to run me off the road.

    But seriously though, I don’t understand the thirst for guns. Especially those of them who live in countries where you can get help in an emergency in five minutes or less.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Adaeze,

      Lol… I couldn’t stop laughing at the mental image of the pumps squirting, I imagine that the button to press would be a bright pink, just because…

      I’m pleasant-mannered, but when I get behind the wheels of my car, my alter ego automatically takes over. Inconsiderate danfo drivers can bring out the worst in one. Road rage 101.

      I like the point that you raised, ordinarily those who have a dependable law enforcement system that’s dedicated to protecting them should have no need for weapons. Such privileges are bound to be abused.

      Like they say “Guns don’t kill, people do”.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, have a great week. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lizzy,

      In giving the policy makers the benefit of the doubt, one must remain open-minded to the possibilities. 🙂

      But there really is this mischievous itchy spot that keeps dodging one’s finger nails.

      Thank you for reading, have a lovely week.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. 😂😂😂

    Oh gosh. Another favourite post.
    Pee-shaoon! *blows hot air that appears to come out of gun barrel*

    Your PoV on the expired tyres vs price of fuel going ‘Yes! Yes! Exactly!’
    Oh gosh, the fantasies 😂😂.

    Na so. Can’t be adding fuel to the smoulder in these times.
    See what I did there? 😆

    Ciao ✌🏾️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Tony,

      Ah, one must somehow see the lighter side so that all of these global and local palava become a little easier to digest.

      I hissed louder than that snake in the garden of Eden, when I heard the news that FRSC had commenced seizing cars with expired tires. Next!

      I know right?! The fantasies are rather therapeutic. Lol

      Nice one! *high five* Ah, no pun is ever lost on me, I eat ’em for breakfast. XD

      Have a wonderful week.

      Liked by 2 people

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