The Urban Dictionary definition of the above expression made me chuckle; A term used when a girl has a guy under her command, means the guy will pretty much follow his girl’s every wish and do whatever she wants.
Sprinkle some Andrews Liver Salt over this expression and voila! it bubbles into the plot of a Nollywood movie.
Scheming Lady puts a love potion in Mr. Man’s food. He becomes pretty much wrapped around her little finger. His Loving Mother becomes suspicious and accuses Scheming Lady, who weepingly confesses. The antidote is found and Mr. Man becomes free (“Remote Control” Parts 1, 2 and 3. Grab your copy now!).
I quite like the world of Nollywood, where evil is punished and good is rewarded. Where it is either black or white with no middle ground whatsoever, so save your political correctness for the movie about your own life. Don’t forget to tie your sanctimonious gèlè as movie plots are usually pregnant with moral undertones.
In Nollywood, Native doctors always dispense love potions with disclaimer clauses doubling as prescription information leaflets. For example, “You mustn’t let rain fall on you when in possession of this potion or else you’ll go mad”.
As our antagonist journeys back home, we watch with collectively bated breath as the sky darkens and thunder rumbles in anticipation of rain. Lightning flashes for added effect and we nearly fall off the edge of our seats. Alas, no rain for the movie must go on for the next 4 hours.
In Nollywood, love potions are extremely effective, after only one or two spoons of the laced food, Mr. Man has that glazed look of the hypnotised. Spoon mid-air, he starts to cough as if he’s choking and Scheming Lady slyly offers him a glass of water.
Sometimes, just before he eats he pauses thoughtfully for a bit, and we quiver with anxiety hoping that by some power bestowed upon him by a sixth sense (a JujuRadar™ of sorts) he suspects that the food has been tampered with. Alas, his ravenous hunger wins for, as you will recall, the movie must go on for the next 3.5 hours.
In Nollywood, the love potion will most often than not have madness as an unfortunate side-effect. Suddenly, Mr. Man goes quite mad and makes the nearest refuse dump his throne, where he rambles nonsense and disturbs the peace, teasing young women.
Impressively, this insanity automatically confers upon him X-ray vision, he can see right through the wicked hearts of men and reveals with diarrhoeic gusto all their past misdeeds and atrocities.
In Nollywood, most actions have reactions which in turn have counteractions, for there has to be the hope of happy endings as our sentimental hearts cannot bear the finality of not having some closure. Hence, Loving Mother always has her own native doctor who has the power to undo all wrongs. Dramatic…
Still, don’t be too quick to dismiss their far-fetched story lines even when it borders on insulting your intelligence with a double-palmed slap. Recall those moments when faced with an astonishing real-life situation, you exclaimed “This feels like a Nollywood script!”
Perhaps, they borrow from our own reality after all.
Anyway, I’m nicely wrapped up in a kimono wrap dress which I sewed using the remainder of my red Woodin fabric. I love this fabric, it is made from heavy-duty cotton that’s much thicker than regular ankara.
The dress has the silhouette of a robe and I drafted the pattern by making the following changes to my bodice patterns:
- Shifted the bust dart to the armscye on the front pattern, though no darts were sewn on the dress.
- To construct the kimono sleeve and give the bodice a blousy structure, a new armhole and bodice shape is traced, first on the back pattern then the new shape is traced on the front pattern.
- Raised the shoulder point (SP) by 1.5 inches and reconnected to the Neck point (NP).
- Extended the new SP by a desired sleeve length of 13 inches long, the sleeve hem falls at my elbow.
- Sleeve circumference is 20 inches i.e. 10 inches on the flat pattern
- Connected lower sleeve hem to the waistline outer seam point with a smooth curve which adds ease to the bodice.
- In drafting the wrap around detail, I taped another half of the front pattern to create a full front pattern.
- Then, extended the CB point of the first half at the waistline by 5.5 inches which fell inside the area of the second half.
- Reduced the shoulder width at the new SP by 1.5 inches which lowered the NP.
- Connecting the new NP to the extended CB point with a straight line created a V- neckline.
- A pencil skirt pattern was used in drafting the lower section of the dress.
Attached a black border at the front neckline for some contrast. This was cut on the straight grain and sewn as follows:
- I wanted it 1.5 inches wide and cut a strip of fabric 3 inches wide and folded in half, including an 0.5 inch sewing allowance on both sides
- Right sides facing I attached it 1.5 inches from the edge of the main fabric as I wanted that portion of the Woodin sandwiched inside to give the border some structure
- Turned over and ‘stitched in the ditch’ from the front which concealed the stitching, rolling the seam allowance at the other end.
The belt was cut from the Woodin fabric, 1 inch wide and 98 inches long because I wanted it super long enough to go round my waist twice.
All the dress seams are wrapped with bias tape, sewn right side facing first, then rolled around and stitched again for a more secure attachment.
Both the sleeves and skirt were hemmed using a black satin ribbon. The ribbon was first machine sewn to the fabric, then hand sewn using discrete stitches. The hand needle was passed through the back of the ribbon, one-eight of an inch below the edge for invisible stitches. The back neckline was finished with bias tape.
Sewing this was pretty easy, with no darts, no lining as the fabric is super thick and no zip. A drama-free dress. 🙂
PS: Nollywood is Nigeria’s flourishing answer to Hollywood.