Debating about debates

For four days every month since I “became a woman” at the age of eleven,  my crampy discomfort coerces me into wishing I were male and afterwards I continue to take delight in the complexities that make me female. At least until the next time, next month.

I’ve regarded the many heated debates about female-male equality/equity with mixed feelings on the one hand and detachment on the other hand. Would it be considered utterly flippant if I was sincere enough to admit that sometimes I couldn’t care less about feminism?  Quite simply, I am mostly concerned about being treated fairly compared to the next person, whether male or female, with or without a penis. Period. (this reminds me of crampy discomforts).

Oju Zipped mouth

Recently, I read an article, and in it the Nigerian writer articulately expressed their displeasure at the use of an all-white cast in a particular Hollywood film. Their main grouse was that the black race was not represented, which to them ranked even lower on the Unfairness scale than being represented inaccurately. Their argument was that the whole thing reeked of lack of diversity.

I thought carefully about their opinion and after according it the requisite respect I remembered my resolution to reassess one-sided evaluations, and decided to apply my “Put the shoe on another foot” test.

Then I mused, would similar sentiments arise in a white person when reviewing an all-black cast film? In that instance, would the non- representation of the white race seem as unfair?  After watching a movie that oozed chocolatey melanin in every scene, would Whites or Blacks shake their heads in despair, wringing their hands at the absence of a white actor?  I wondered.  Again, I decided that I couldn’t care less about the colourful (or colourless) film affair.  It triggered zero sentiments in every fibre of my being.

A case in point is the Benetton (or was it Gap) advert.  There was ear-splitting outcry about racial disrespect over the Yin side (white taller kid resting her elbow on the head of a shorter black kid), yet not a word about the Yang side (Black taller kid resting her elbow on the head of a shorter white kid).

This advert matter pretty much bored me. To me, it seemed like yet another debate for the sake of debating.  Ah! Social media, please take back some of the liberties that you have afforded us, suddenly we have discovered our eloquence and now our throats are sore.

So, much ado about nothing? Or have my own problems with actual substance made me so jaded to the point of indifference at these things that some consider to be irritating inconveniences to their sense and sensibilities? Have they made me too tired?

Well, give me twenty-four hours of constant electricity daily and never-ending litres of petrol, maybe then I’ll find the time and emotions to invest in a debate about why the sun shines in the day and the moon by night and not the other way round.

I’ve decided to pick my battles pickily, I don’t want to be excited by another person’s war cry, taking up a sword to fight battles without first considering the factors, not even knowing why I am fighting, then pointlessly getting cut and bloodied (again, I am reminded of crampy discomforts).

As far as I’m concerned, lending my voice for or against every debate now (before I’ve carefully considered if it affects the direction of the needle in the fuel gauges of both my power generator and motor car), will not make me appear more intelligent than I already am.

These days, the will to be a Nigerian is all that I have strength for. 😄





  1. I looooooooooooooooooooooove this. Is it possible to overlike a post?! lol. I think you just spoke like the other side of me that I don’t reveal too often, especially when I’m just by myself alone. Like seriously, I am learning to pick my battles wisely these days o. Haha@ give me 24 hours electricity and fuel. Do you know my brother said similar words when I gisted him about some funny comments I saw on youtube after watching a clip of a video. And it’s true. But its sad that even ‘Nigerians’ sef tend to place topics or discussions that are not our priority. It’s not adding to the economy but it’s adding to the internet space so that’s fine. lol, ah social media has turned everyone to experts now oh. Like the Gorilla Harambe and the little child that fell into his space. Suddenly everyone has become a ‘primate expert’ and wants to offer advice or say what the zoo keepers were supposed to do. Lol. Shey there was life before social media? No one died and people lived. So why are we now acting like social media is more than what it’s supposed to be.

    These days I believe God also cautions me to pick my battles wisely. Sometimes I want to say or write something and He’s like, ‘I didn’t send you message’ lol

    And I like how you stated that we tend to just pick fights unecessarily. Yes, and in the name of rights, people keep airing opinions without providing solution or making the world a better place. All these black and white and feminism are not even my own cup of tea because they’re not the ones putting food on my table. And like you, I just want to be treated equally to the next guy and be paid for doing the same job and not because I’m a woman, but because we are both capable.

    It’s just the crazy world we live in Nedoux. It begins and then humans take it to the point of extremism that it begins to even stop making sense and lose its value. It now becomes unreasonable and downright annoying because the purpose has been lost.

    Thanks for writing this. I love the tone with which you write. it’s amazing and refreshing and exciting. xo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Itunu,

      I absolutely love the positive energy in your comments, it’s so infectious. 😀

      Lol @ “It’s not adding to the economy but it’s adding to the internet space. I feel like there’s far too many pressing issues, so I don’t feel the need to mark the attendance register of every discussion except it’s the value adding sort.

      I want to be treated equally to the next person. If I were treated fairly compared to the next man but unfairly compared to the next woman, this will not amount to the sort of equity that satisfies me. I want the focus to be much wider during these gender equality campaigns.

      Thank you so much for reading, I enjoyed reading your depthful comment.

      Best wishes!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “As far as I’m concerned, lending my voice for or against every debate now (before I’ve carefully considered if it affects the direction of the needle in the fuel gauges of both my power generator and motor car), will not make me appear more intelligent than I already am”.

    This I have to learn! This I have to learn! lol


  3. I love to keep silent on the issues of feminism but I believe God created man and woman uniquely and to each gender their role and purpose.

    Your blog is absolutely amazing and very interesting to read.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is an awesome post….excellently written, and I agree with you…jumping on the band wagon is waste of time and energy when the issue at hand needn’t even qualify as such….we would be better off channelling our passions into contributing to the good…not the mundane and vacuous…just sayin’….
    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, I love the way you put this and agree wholeheartedly “we would better off channelling our passions into contributing to the good” 🙂

      Indeed, bandwagon mentality doesn’t necessarily solve problems, sometimes it only aggravates the issue.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, have a super nice week.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The week is off to a super nice start….it is Victoria Day here in Canada…so, I have the day off from work–and my husband does, too (although, there are lots of national holidays he ends up working). I hope your week is fantastic as well. 🙂


  5. Bless you for this post Nedo. I don’t have the energy to argue on pointless debates. I have remained silent on the issue of feminism and I think the issue has been over flogged. I simply asked some of my pro feminist to give me an occasion when they were treated differently from the men and non could come with a real life situation. The other day a pro Jonathan wanted to engage me into a Jona/Buhari argument, I concentrated on my lunch as she spoke with all passion, at the end she said I made her feel stupid because I refused to get into her argument. Honestly, give me 24 hours light, give me security, let there by petrol. I careless about time wasting debates.


    1. Hi Lady Thrifty,

      Feminism and Politics are two explosive topics, some friends have turned into bitter enemies while arguing about APC vs PDP. XD

      Ah, Nigerian palava gives me a throbbing headache, I don’t want to make the ache worse by talking simply for the sake of being one of the talkers, I’d rather focus my energy on surviving this economic recession with my dignity intact.

      Thank you so much for reading, have a lovely week.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Girl, i have bills to pay and things to do. I don’t really care about or have energy for much else..
    Plus, folks these days seek some sort of validation and praise for being so ‘woke’, you know? ‘Woke’ about race issues, feminism, ethnicity, vegan-ism, onions, paw-paw, cruelty-free, nail polish, fleekness, republicans, green tea AND A MILLION OTHER THINGS!

    I actually get exhausted ON BEHALF OF people who go ‘faux-angry-activist’ at every damn thing. ugh.



    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sky,

      Green tea, paw-paw and onions really cracked me up. XD

      Lol @ “Faux-angry-activist” Ah, I know what you mean. Indeed, debating angrily without first understanding the factors or even assessing if the matter is discussion-worthy, is not a validation of one’s “wokeness”.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

      Enjoy the rest of the week.


  7. Nedoux! sorry i have to compliment you again. the way you carefully reply every comment is amazing!

    Now, to the topic discussed. i wish i was like you and a lot of the readers you have commenting. i do not care about my third world problems i am a cause driven person. i am feminist and many other things, in fact at my day job, i work as a human rights lawyer. see, i dont know how to pick my battles. i am inside keke educating keke driver because he lacks social skills or because he has made a chauvinist comment. Now, i have reached a level where i wouldn’t jump on anyone’s chariot just because they are the driver but if its a cause for human betterment, i am on it. i am learning to pick and choose the circumstances under which i engage but i cant pick and chose which cause i pursue, i feel like its my life’s responsibility to fight for the voiceless. i always enjoy your posts!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Larz,

      Trust your weekend went well. I’m sincerely sorry for not replying sooner, I haven’t been as active on the internet recently.

      Thank you so much for the support, I thoroughly enjoy how blogging gives me an opportunity to interact with more people.

      Lol @ “chauvinist comment”. I’ve always admired your outspokenness, simply from reading your blog, one can tell that you are passionate about causes that impact societal improvement. 🙂

      Sometimes, I get tired of debating not necessarily because I feel the topic does not concern me directly, but because I feel some topics shouldn’t even be fuelled into a raging debate, especially considering the more pressing matters on the global plate. But I guess, one’s man’s meat…

      Have a lovely week!


  8. I feel you! I am feminist, and I used to jump at the chance to debate on gender issues every darn time. With the wrong person, the debate can get very heated and go all the way left. So now, I just pick my battles and I don’t engage everyone. Plus old age is catching up and I don’t gat the energy for that…mba

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hiya!

      Admittedly, some topics are quite explosive and some participants reflexively enter into such debates with an offensively-defensive stance, even when it’s not their original intention. 🙂

      I agree with you, with the wrong person, being one who hasn’t carefully considered the underlying factors behind a debate, it might escalate into WW 3.

      Lol… @ “Old age”, I feel you, life is too short.

      Thank you for adding your 2 cents, best wishes for the rest of the week.


  9. We’re in the politic season over here and I don’t debate about it. To me, it can be draining and lead to nowhere!!

    On the other hand, if I know a topic will enlighten me, I don’t mind engaging in a discussion. But, if it starts leading to a debate, where one side wants to win, then I’ll back out.

    Some people find joy in debating, just to get their 2 cents in. Life is too short and like you said, pick your battles wisely. Time is precious

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Seun,

      Lol… I know what you mean, politics season is like a debate festival, especially for a country like America, everyone including non-US residents find the draining process rather interesting.

      Same here, I enjoy when the topic enriches my intellect but when I think it’s a topic that shouldn’t even have escalated into a debate in the first place, I lose interest.

      Indeed, time is too precious to waste on impact-less battles.

      Thank you so much for stopping by, best wishes for the rest of the week.


  10. I enjoyed reading this, alongside the comments.
    Something you said to fadeke, about missing the tone behind a message leading to useless debates.
    Indeed, i have been accused by friends for taking the offensive, even when they really meant no harm. Must be because i have a lot of energy to spare. No car-fuel palava for me yet.
    I am however, learning to listen to and enjoy people’s perspectives without giving in to the need to attack them (Am I deviating a bit?)
    Debates are good like you said, when they are constructive and lead to a resolution of the subject matter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Mizraph,

      Thank you so much for reading. I really enjoyed the angle that you shared.

      Indeed, some discussions become land mines when they are entered into with prejudice before objectivity is even considered, declining into a contest to see who has the loudest voice.

      I understand what you mean, me too. I am also learning to be more patient with other people’s perspectives even when I feel like it’s embracing the periphery of triviality. It’s hard sometimes though. 😀

      Because the truth is that we each have different life circumstances and we attach varying weights of importance based on our personal experiences. For example, one man’s societal palava is not necessarily less important than another man’s fuel queue palava. Lol

      Have a lovely weekend.


  11. Very well said/written Nedoux,

    No time to say no time. I re-learnt a harsh lesson last week, irrelevances start to matter when you lose site of what’s most important at any given time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi,

      Thank you!

      @ “No time to say no time” I love the way that sounds.

      I appreciate your perspective, Indeed, time is finite, best to invest it where it will yield a positive impact.

      Have a lovely weekend. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Well, give me twenty-four hours of constant electricity daily and never-ending litres of petrol, maybe then I’ll find the time and emotions to invest in a debate about why the sun shines in the day and the moon by night and not the other way round.

    Gbam!!! Honestly there’s no “ginger” to join debates mehn… Too much going on already in my life. I could give my opinion. But not debating. Mbanu…

    How’re you babes? :* Mi blog should be up b4/by weekend. Finally! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi dear,

      Lol @ “Ginger”.

      Maybe when one is faced with energy-sapping life issues, other things that appear tolerable would seem petty in comparison. Not because one is self-absorbed, it’s simply about having priorities. I guess we gauge things differently.

      Truthfully, I don’t mind paying attention to debates but only one condition, that it’s well thought out and constructive.

      I’m alright o, I trust you are fine too. That’s lovely news, I look forward to seeing your revamped site. Well done! 🙂

      Enjoy the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lady,

      Me too, picking purposefully after carefully assessing the many available battles through cat-eye glasses. One might as well look stylish while picking. 😀

      Thank you so much for stopping by, best wishes and blessings this week!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Personally I don’t like stress, lol being Nigerian alone is enough stress. I just cannot join in any debate especially on social media, where every different opinion equals slander or judgement. lol Great post as always! xx.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Hi Tosin,

          I don’t like mental stress either, Nigerian palava keep me mentally occupied already. 😀

          And if I must listen to/read about a debate, then it should be constructive and intelligent enough so that it’s worth my while. Some pointless debates end up escalating into hateful arguments without resolving the issue.

          Thank you so much, best wishes and blessings for the rest of the week!

          Liked by 2 people

      2. Hahaha might as well look stylish indeed! Cateye sunnies plus wide leg pants and let’s add six inch heels to the mix. 😀 😀
        OK clearly I’m getting a little carried away here, it’s way past my bedtime, so I’m excused, allowed to go a little gaga. 😀
        And the pleasure is aaall mine.


  13. I was wondering how I missed this post (I saw it on my blogspot blogroll) then I remembered that I lost my phone on Monday and was offline until Wednesday, still haven’t checked all my emails sef.
    Back to the post, you reminded me of Chris Rock’s monologue at the Oscars where he talked about Black people not having time to protest against the lack of diversity because they had bigger issues then. When you have to spend four hours queuing for fuel, you won’t have the energy for nonsense arguments sef. I think you’re some kind of prophet though, how did you know that this weekend most of us would be arguing about a certain T and another T.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Adaeze,

      Thank you so much for contributing your thoughts to this.

      Lol @ Chris Rock… He raised a valid point. Perhaps, when one is faced with weighty bone-crushing issues, anything else that seems much more bearable in comparison becomes trivial. Not necessarily because one is self-centred, it’s mostly about priorities.

      Ah, the T&T matter is what I like to refer to a ‘convenient interlude’. Though very sad, it somewhat distracted Nigerians from our harsh socio-economic realities. What amused me is how some people automatically became givers of unsolicited counsel via the comment boxes of the popular blogs.

      This one will soon pass and then we move on to the next distracting debate. It’s a cycle 😀

      Best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Timeka,

      I like the point that you raised. I respect the fact that people are entitled to their opinion, but indeed, some debates seem so menial compared to more important topics that hardly get the much-needed attention.

      Perhaps, individuals evaluate situations based on their different priorities.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Best wishes and blessings this week! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Awww!!! Where is my comment???!! This is not fair 😢😢.
    I have forgotten what I typed before sef…

    Well….. Let me echo this….. There is no mudslinging voracious firebrand of salivary mucus on each other face in the name of debates and arguments that doesn’t affect the price of garri in the market.

    Everybody, society and people have issues with one thing, cultures, lifestyles or the another. Looking and judging through your well colored or dimly dark spectacle over issues does not connotes intelligent especially when such is done without adequate facts.

    Racism, sexism, and tribalistic views has existed since time memorial and ain’t going to evaporate anytime soon until perhaps the day the trumpet sounds.

    Disagree to agree and agree to disagree but don’t be a moron not knowing when to lay down the gun and take a walk.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Immanuel,

      Seems like the interweb ninjas kidnapped your comment, thank you so much for taking out time to write another one. 😀

      Lol @ “Price of garri.” I feel that way too sometimes, I wish more effort was invested in weightier issues. I understand that people are entitled to their opinion, perhaps “Garri” is relative to each person.

      Indeed, best to know when to take the high road and walk, rather than talking for sake of talking.

      Best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Hey Nedoux.

    As always, excellent post. I can’t go wrong with you, I know.

    Having heard statements like: “I didn’t know a black woman read this many books”, “you speak unusually good English” or more disturbing questions like “how is the hunger in Africa” or being shot that look that says “pity pity”, I would probably understand the criticism of any human being without colour but what does that solve?

    Certainly not the meaningless killings going on all around the world.

    People can’t be separated from their opinions. It is theirs and I like to think that they are entitled to it, whatever it is.
    The attempt to criticize one person’s decision to interpret a thing from a perspective that is understandable/convenient to them just because it differs from ours can’t be balanced. If they starred all white people and you do not feel good about it, shebi you can stage a ‘counter play’ of 100% blacks. Abi is it me? It should be that easy really :-).

    Life can be easier than we make it with all these critical judgement and opinions biko. Plus, it is too short and I have closed from work and do not have fuel to go home this evening.

    Now, that there, would be a reason to get all critical! argggghhhhh

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Flo,

      Sincerely sorry for not responding sooner, I got caught up. I really enjoyed reading your comment, I love the way your thoughts progressed. Thank you so much.

      I agree with you, racial disrespect has a long history and social exclusion of minority races has brought real pain to many. Indeed, it would be more reasonable if the argument was used more objectively so that it matches the situation appropriately, instead of people talking for the sake of talking.

      Regarding that movie, I feel the way that you do, it’s really that easy to me too.

      While I understand the importance of being represented fairly, I still wonder, should the focus while watching a movie be on counting how many blacks or whites were cast in the movie? Or simply on assessing if the storyline had a positive message that applied to all persons? And if the cast wasn’t agreeable enough, there are other more agreeable options- like Africa Magic for example.

      Yes, there are weightier problems in the world that seem more raw in comparison to some of the less weighty ones that people prefer to talk more about. Perhaps, our individual perspective of what is “debate worthy” is relative. Lol

      Ah, this fuel matter is enough reason for a loud critical debate. 😀

      Enjoy the long weekend!


  16. Life is far too busy to waste energy on nonsensical debates and mudslinging arguments that will age someone for nothing. Sometimes, when I am just chilling and going through all the rant and rave on social media, I almost wish I had a magic wand that I could wave to create silence. Golden silence of the years before twittering and Fb and what not. Some arguments are not worth the spittle or fingers taps on the keyboard. It doesn’t change the price of the free fall of Naira, nor improves anything. Phew! I’ve said a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sis,

      Lol @ “Phew! I’ve said a lot.”

      That readers’ comments would extend into a mini-debate about the contents of a post titled “Debating about debates” was bound to happen. I myself ended up writing lengthy debate-like replies. XD

      Yes, I agree with you, silence is golden, especially when one has nothing constructive to add to a debate or if the debate in itself is not even constructive to begin with. Otherwise it declines into a rowdy playground with no positive impact at all.

      I’ve enjoyed the feedback to this post immensely, thank you so much for chipping in.

      Best wishes for the rest of the week!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Lovely article, Nedoux and i like your mind on the feminism and equality matter. As much as I share your sentiments about these issues I acknowledge and appreciate that women who fought for both have affected society for good and bad today. There is so much that has changed due to awareness on equal treatment and fairness and so much abuse and disabuse of notions are ongoing. One of such issues tackled by both themes are marital rape, date rape and sexual harassment of women at the workplace. These themes brought these ills to light in a way that vindicated women from blame for such acts. For that and more I say ‘thank you’ to the brave women who started the movement. But, as with everything in life when selfish interest gets in the way the true intention becomes corrupted.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Inez,

      I love the depthful angle that you used in approaching this topic. Yes, I also recognize and celebrate the brilliant efforts by women to ensure that the rights of females are not trampled upon by societal practices prevalent both outside and inside our gender.

      Sometimes, debates about feminism are held in a manner that misconstrues the underlying foundations of the equality quest, degenerating into one-storied arguments. It then becomes tiresome, causing some (like me) to become somewhat detached but still very appreciative of the movement.

      You’ve raised a thought provoking point- Indeed, selfish interests have a way of corrupting true intentions.

      Thank you so much for sharing your view. Best wishes for the rest of the week. 🙂


  18. Dear Nedoux,

    You echoed my mind on the feminism aspect and the equality ‘thing’. You see, right from childhood, I have always felt that men and women are equal, and I was surprised to hear that there was an equality bill. I mean, aren’t we all the same? Made in the image and likeness of God?
    Now to the racism aspect, I saw no issues with the Gap ad with the white girl’s arm on the black girl’s head…but, everything points towards racism nowadays.
    Thanks for this post dear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Adaeze,

      Yes, we should all be the same, but sadly “some” seem more equal than others. My tiredness with debates on feminism is not even because feminism is being discussed, it is because the “some” is always made out to constitute males alone.

      This is why they escalate into “Us vs. Them” discussions that are sometimes not constructive, I take a peek at the back-and-forth exchanges and it drains me of the energy that fuel queues are already competing for. 😀

      The way I see it, females also appear in the “some” bucket and I don’t want to dismiss that, I want equal rights for myself compared to the next man or woman, not just men alone.

      Racial disrespect is both real and very sensitive, still I’d prefer if the argument was used objectively, not just simply because it can be used at all.

      Thank you so much for stopping by, best wishes for the rest of the week!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Oh Nedu,
    This is truth. Half the time when debates split the online world into two (or more) camps, I’m the person scrolling past, quietly wondering why on earth this too is an issue.
    Discussions about feminism for example are riddled with landmines. People are steady on the offence. I’m not about to get into it with anybody just to appear ‘woke’.
    I feel that a lot of things are given depth they do not deserve. Or maybe they do and I’m just another Nigerian too deep in the ditch that is our country to see clearly.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Doc,

      You managed to sum up the intended message of my entire post with your comment, and I’m so glad that you could see the tone in which it was written.

      Lol @ “woke”. I agree with you some discussions seem explosive because they are approached with prejudice before objectivity is applied. I don’t want to battle for the sake of battling. Perhaps, ‘deserving depth’ is gauged relatively.

      Or maybe, the daily Nigerian palava has made me too exhausted to lend my voice to everything single thing being discussed, and if so, I’ll prefer to pick the debates that are constructively arranged especially after I’ve weighed the factors carefully to see if I have a case. 😀

      Thank you so much for sharing your insightful perspective. Best wishes for the rest of the week.


  20. Well, give me twenty-four hours of constant electricity daily and never-ending litres of petrol, maybe then I’ll find the time and emotions to invest in a debate about why the sun shines in the day and the moon by night and not the other way round. This made me laugh a lot.
    Social media had turned everybody to a town crier and crusader all in a bid to sound intelligent. Picking ones battles is the surest way to go on tbh.
    Great post Nedu..

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Ella,

      Lol…I am glad that you saw the underlying humour in this post.

      Some debates quickly escalate into town-crying contests, I’d prefer if people read the fine print of topical issues more carefully before jumping feverishly into prejudiced conclusions.

      And if they insist that they will not debate constructively, then let me focus on the battle of locating a petrol station with the shortest possible queue and strategise on how I will successfully combine sleeping soundly whilst fanning myself with a hand fan. 😀

      Thank you for stopping by, have a lovely week.


  21. Hi nedoux,
    This is a very interesting post and your most controversial post since I started following. Waay to Gooo Girrll💪💪💪

    Now, the issue of racism is definitely not something we can address from down here in a black country because of course you dont have a grandfather that was lynched and a white woman has not held on to her bag at the sight of you passing by her (as though you were a thief) in a neighbourhood because of your skin color. So I dont think you understand the pain of been black in a white country. So yes. You can pick this debate and choose to be silent afterall. But if there are people that choose to have this debates, for maybe personal reasons, or even because they feel the responsibilty to contribute to these issues, we shouldn’t make it look like its a stupid thing to do.

    Lol, Personally,I’ve always said I wasnt a feminist but oh well, I’ve heard that “wanting to be treated fairly” makes you one. But of course this particular debate is also personal. Because, You wont pick this debate if you’ve never been told to take your cheating husband back because “men always cheat” or If you’ve been denied an opportunity to work because your boss thinks “a man can do the job better because he’s strong” even though you are fully persuaded that thejob doesnt even require physical strenght.

    Well. We should all be picky with our debates henceforth since we have to be personally involved to talk about it.

    Lol how then will the world move forward?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Fadeke,

      Lol.. I’m glad you noticed. Indeed, I wanted to debate about debates and decided not to play safe with this one. I’m enjoying the opinions that differ from mine, but I only hope people read the post carefully, without missing the intended tone. (That’s how tiresome debates get started) 😀

      This tongue-in-cheek post was written because of my tiredness with debates held before some participants carefully weigh the underlying factors and then chip in their voices. Adding noise to what could have been a meaningful debate, or adding momentum to what need not be a debate.

      My tiredness also extends to local debates that simply feel like “all talk and no action”. If a debate can’t solve my Third world challenges, it should at least be constructive enough to distract me from them, while enriching my intellect.

      Ah, but there was no mention of racism in this post, though I acknowledge it for the unjustness that it is. I am a home-based Nigerian, racial disrespect (which was mentioned) is clearly not my story to tell, I didn’t even try to bang drums about it in this post.

      I simply wondered, in analysing any issue, shouldn’t the argument be somewhat valid so that it doesn’t seem like one is “crying wolf”? Such that it is assessed from a perspective that attracts intelligent discourse?

      Clearly, there was no mention of an anti-feminist label in this article, only that I prefer to think about equal rights for myself as a woman in a manner that’s more robust than the way it’s sometimes addressed.

      The debates that I usually see about feminism always advocate for fairness in comparison to men only. What about equality amongst women? I prefer to have both, I want the debates to cover that too so that it really speaks for me. I don’t want to engage in poorly thought-out “Us vs. Them” debates.

      Thank you so much for your thought-provoking comment, have a lovely week.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You know I actually feel like black people in white countries are even more racist than whites (in this dispensation) but are still on the worse end of the results of racism. So lets not take these comments personal.

        But I put up that comment because it seemed to me like you were saying those of down here should mind our own local business and not talk about “unnecessary” topics that do not actually concern us. And thats why I said the world wont move forward if we all keep silent cause a problem is not on our door step today. What if it comes tommorrow ?

        I think I get your point now though, youre just saying people shouldnt just start debates without having valid arguments just because they want to seem intelligent. Yeah?

        And the issue of bn treated fairly even amongst women is another sub topic under the Feminism banner. Lol. So yes. “Wanting to be treated fairly” is the beginning of feminism because you fight the monster outside first before coming in to fight right? But its not that serious. Lol

        I could go on and on yeah, but my battery is low at the moment because no light and no fuel 😭😭😭

        P.S Let me also add that the fact that we all do not agree with this post shows you’re not just giving people what they want to hear. And that is good. Thimbs up 👍

        Liked by 1 person

        1. My dear, “No light and no fuel” really cracked me up.” XD

          Yes o, that’s the point that I wanted to make.

          I agree wholeheartedly with you, it’s meaningful disagreements like this one that enrichen the learning process, we all can’t have the same opinion or else it stops being a debate and starts sounding like a “Kumbaya” recital. Lol

          We learn from each other’s perspective, especially when it’s constructively put together.

          I sincerely appreciate the way you put this “Sub topic under the feminism banner”. Indeed, I accept that feminism in a more robust, unadulterated form, would definitely advocate for fair treatment of women inside and outside our gender.

          Thank you so much, I really enjoyed your quality contribution to this discussion.

          Liked by 1 person

  22. My sister tell am Oooo… media has given too many of us voices. And that includes some who should really play the strong and silent type. Last night I cackled in bed as I read a Facebook feed, people were giving their opinion on a supposed racist Trump rally and the guy used the word ‘redderik’ when he meant, ‘rhetoric’… Of course he got finished.
    Anyhoo, hope you’re having a good week Nedu! ( :

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Biki,

      @ “Strong and silent type”. XD

      Lol… Mr. Trump is really something.

      I agree with you, some people simply smell uncertain hints of what they consider to be offensive and then what doesn’t necessarily have to be a debate is kick-started or what should be a debate is handled improperly.

      Sometimes, it’s great to be entertained by the back-and-forth but sometimes, it quite tiring. I prefer debates that enrich me intellectually. Words for the sake of words might begin to seem like mouth-stretching exercises.

      Ah my week’s been great so far.

      Thank you for stopping by, Best wishes for the rest of the week!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Quite simply, I am mostly concerned about being treated fairly compared to the next person, whether male or female, with or without a penis.

    That’s the definition of feminism.

    The raging debates everywhere are so tiring. I see women declaring that they are not feminists, as though feminism means anger, man-hating, and bra-burning.

    If you want fair treatment for both sexes, regardless of genitalia, Congratulations! You’re a feminist.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Toby,

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

      I have to admit that I was really hoping that someone would come at me regarding my carefree stance on feminism, and was actually delighted to see your passionate comment (you sounded slightly annoyed though) 😀

      But it would seem that in your haste to subtly paste the anti-feminist sticker on that portion of this post, you hurriedly jumped on a train without checking carefully to see if your ticket was valid for the ride.

      Perhaps, my point was lost in translation. There was no mention of “wanting fair treatment for both sexes” in this post.

      Well, I’ve observed that some feminists are mostly focused on comparing their lot in life to that of only males, specifically advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of only men.

      Personally, Feminism at its core (the way its often debated about, for or against) doesn’t capture the entirety of what I want for myself. It doesn’t cover me adequately and I want more than that for myself. I feel entitled to a “Comprehensive umbrella” of sorts.

      What about situations of unfairness between females? Or is that not a thing? Perhaps, if labels must be used then I need a word that is a hybrid of feminism and what I would describe as “intra-feminism”. Please feel free to label me with that one word, we can even have a party afterwards.

      So, while seeking for fair treatment compared to men, I don’t want to lose sight of unfair treatment compared to other women. Simple. Hence my tiredness at one-storied debates.

      By all means anyone else can focus on feminism alone if they prefer. There are cases where two women are treated differently, take for example simply because of their respective marital status. A married woman accorded more respect than a single one.

      Or is it okay to skim over inequality between two women just because one of them doesn’t have a penis and by extension isn’t male? I don’t think so.

      Ah! Debating about debates… I’m a little curious, did you read the posted tongue-in-cheek article to the end? Or did you stop at “Feminism”? Anyway, if you read most of it, you’d know that I already said that I am very tired of debates that lose focus of the full picture. Petrol is still scarce. Lol

      Have a lovely week.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I did read the whole article, and I chose to comment on only one thing that stuck out to me. I made it short and sweet because I was tired, and I was avoiding debating about debates, but here we are.

        My reply wasn’t just to you, and it wasn’t a blanket statement. I read all the comments before replying, and I was thinking more generally. There was someone in the comments (journalthreesixty) who said they weren’t feminist, and said that all they wanted was to be treated fairly. I didn’t want to be literal, so I changed the words around a bit, and said “wanting fair treatment for both sexes.” I don’t think that concept is different from the exact words you used.

        Yes, there is inequality in many spheres of life, even inequality within the same gender. However, I think you’d agree that the inequality between genders is very profound, both implicitly and explicitly. Choosing to identify one pervasive problem and try to fix it, does not mean we’ve lost sight of the many other problems that plague our society. Somehow, it’s this one that seems to be brought out front and center.

        Feminism doesn’t claim to be an umbrella for all the maladies of the world. It’s working towards one defined objective. It’s okay, in fact it’s expected to be a feminist and be be/want other things as well.

        I wish more people would take the time to understand what it’s really about before proclaiming, “I’m not a feminist”. When I ask those people what they are and what they want, they end up defining feminism, just without using the f-word that apparently is a catch-all.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading your insightful perspective.

          Debating about the contents of a post titled “Debating about debates” was actually inevitable. Lol


  24. Hmnn, insightful post.

    What I learnt in my three years living in the state is that African Americans are the strongest of the blacks (only opinion here :)) the debate about backs being underrepresented seems valid – there are lots of plausible reasons for this – blacks would only get deserved recognition if they play important and relatable parts. Example of this is Kerry Washington in Scandal – she is known now because she is doing a credible job, now she becomes a role model for many to aspire to.

    Although when many black issues are raised in the States for example, not all blacks feel the pain equally. For my time there I can’t say I was profiled once, this is not the same for many black American women my age.

    The pain is real for them. Our case in Nigeria for Nigerians home or diaspora is slightly different because all in all the majority suffer the same fate and also the main factor that divides us access to wealth. However, for these folks, it is the colour of their skin. Better now but long way to go.

    I really like your angle on this global wahala stuff, that our local issues is what we understand the most where our valuable time will go along way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Folake,

      I always enjoy reading your comments, I particularly love how you compare my view with your own experience as a Nigerian living in diaspora.

      Truthfully, I accept that social exclusion takes on a deeper meaning for a black person living in a country where blacks are a minority group, compared to a black person in Nigeria. The pain is real for the former.

      While I understand the importance of being represented fairly, I still wonder, should the focus while watching a movie be on counting how many blacks or whites were cast in the movie? Or simply on assessing if the storyline had a positive message that applied to all persons?

      Indeed, having positive role models on public platforms is very inspiring. Still, my reasoning is this; – Can we not see our faces in the faces of others even if they do not share our skin colour?

      Ah! Whilst staying informed about global issues, the ones in my backyard keep me busy enough as it is. 😀

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, have a great week.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Precisely Nedoux, totally agree with your views on seen our faces in others. This is the principle that has helped me enormously dealing with Nigeria. The hope is that enough people would live by this principle for a better world.

        Have a great week too. And stay clear of those car scratching guys… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  25. Girl, I feel you.

    First of all, there are waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many battles and there’s no way you can join everyone. So yes, please be very picky with the ones you choose.

    Secondly, like I told my cousin last week, people have different priorities. Someone fighting for this equality cannot expect everyone else to see things the way they see them.

    Thirdly, there ARE different sides to everything. The mother of the black girl in that ad, I think it was Gap actually, didn’t care and said the white girl was her sister!!! Yet, everyone taking panadol for headache that didn’t exist.


    Berry Dakara Blog

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Berry,

      I feel the same way too, so many exchanges going on and sometimes the noise drowns the message.

      Indeed, though we prioritise differently, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we always disregard issues that fall outside outside our priority bucket. Personally, I’d feel more affinity to a cause if it were argued and presented constructively.

      Oh, was it Gap, Lol @ Panadol. A clear case of ‘mourning more than the bereaved’.

      Thank you for chipping in, have a lovely weekend.


  26. When I tell people I’m not a feminist they have that questioning look in their eyes but the truth is like you said, I just want to be treated fairly compared to the next person; male or female.

    I think a lot of black people are so quick to jump on the racism bandwagon, like the ad you talked about; why didn’t anyone speak up that it was unfair for the black girl to rest her hand on the white girl? I can’t even be bothered enough to spend my time arguing over something that’s actually not that deep.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Tobi,

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

      I understand how you feel. To be honest, I have nothing against the title “Feminist”, my tiredness with debates on feminism is not even because feminism is being discussed, it is because the focus of comparison is usually made out to constitute males alone.

      This causes us to overlook inequality between women. It then grows into a scattered “Us vs. Them” battle.

      You are correct, some debates are not as deep as the intense arguments that they attract, maybe some of the debaters don’t even understand why they are even debating, or haven’t even confirmed if there’s even a valid reason to be debating.

      Perhaps ‘deep’ is relative. Petrol queues are already competing for my energy. 😀

      Have a lovely weekend.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Nedu. Steady giving me a reason to return to your blog. Yes I agree with you on picking battles pickly. Social media has given everyone who can afford data an opinion even in situations where silence is required. But what do I know. Queued for fuel today for 4hours and I’m exhausted.


    1. Hi Gracey,

      Thank you so much for always reading. @ “Everyone who can afford data”. XD

      Honestly, sometimes silence is even more powerful if one cannot gather a constructive enough argument to support their debate.

      Ah! 4 hours, sorry dear. Dealing with Naija palava is already tiresome, so if I must dabble in debates then it should be well thought-out and put together in a manner that engages me. Or else, let me wipe the sweat off my forehead in peace. Lol

      Perhaps, the weight placed on battles is relative to each person’s hustle?

      Best wishes for the rest of the week.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. My dear eh, i couldn’t agree more. Social media has brought forth all manner of people with opinions even those who know jack about the topic being discussed, sometimes i just wish we can internet police for trolls & the like

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Cassie,

      Abi o, The daily Naija hustle has made me too exhausted to lend my voice to everything single thing being discussed, so, I’ll prefer to pick the debates that are constructively arranged especially after I’ve weighed the factors carefully to see if I have a case. 😀

      Whilst I know that the feminism argument is valid, the way it’s sometimes debated is tiresome.

      Thank you so much for reading, have a lovely weekend.


    1. Hi dear,

      Thank you for finding my blog and also for contributing to this post. 🙂

      But it really isn’t crap at all, it is some people’s daily reality. I just wish it was discussed with more objectivity sometimes, I’d prefer if the racial unfairness argument was constructively thrown into a debate when it validly relates to the topic of discussion. Not just for the sake of it.

      I agree that we have our internal issues too, alongside the external ones. Lol

      Have a beautiful week.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Nne ehhh! You nailed it. I don’t like discussing the Nigerian situation or any of such. It’s just too dramatic for me. All I want is the basic governance and needs of humanity to be provided and adequately then, I can look for the strength to debate about whether we are black or white

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Nkem,

      Lol… I don’t even mind discussing robust Naija or non-Naija issues, but since I am rationing my strength between queuing for fuel, Lagos traffic and sleeping without electrical power, any strength remaining in my tired body can be given to only well thought-out debates, otherwise let me just conserve my energy for fanning my sweaty self in this heat. 😀

      Thank you so much for stopping by, best wishes for the rest of the week.


  29. Lol, you sound tired 😉

    Benetton is well known for controversial ads that provoke debates.

    Being a minority and the oppressed for so long, confers certain liberties I suppose. Perhaps the reasoning behind why blacks can complain and whites can’t. Add the all-white dating site, Where White People Meet, debate to the mix.

    “Third-world” problems can make one impervious to these debates. But if the world is increasingly a global village and interdependence a given, then the waves from their ripples will appear on our shores. Debates can be opportunities to learn about different sides of an issue and they challenge one’s perspective.

    But you’re right, one needn’t debate everything, just stay informed.

    Ah, thought fuel situation was getting better …

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Timi,

      I am o 😀

      I really enjoyed reading your insightful comment, thank you so much.

      Sincerely, I acknowledge that racial unfairness is a real, living, breathing thing, it saddens me when people are oppressed, but I only wish that the argument was used mostly in valid instances.

      If in the advert in question (someone just told me it was done by Gap), the white kid was dressed as a police officer and was seen to be attacking the black kid with a baton, Aha! I’d have smelt the offensiveness from across the Atlantic. It feels like one person just toyed around with the idea that white kid’s elbow on black kid’s head equals disrespect and it just spread like wild fire.

      The film reviewer, was actually Nigerian. He stated that he noticed that “no one looked like him” in the Hollywood film, and tiredly, I thought to myself- Dude here’s the remote control, change the channel to Africa Magic.

      Lol @ Third world”. To be honest, while the Nigerian palava can be energy-sapping, I still appreciate robust debates related to matters in or out of my universe, (the really good ones even distract me from Naija issues) but some just seem like voice-parading exercises.

      Fuel situation is still challenging, the Ogas at the Top have figured out that Nigerians like “Placebo treatment”, simply give us hopeful promises, whether or not they actually solve the problem, and we are good to go.

      Have a lovely week!

      PS: For some reason, I just realised that PMS (Pre-menstrual syndrome) and PMS (Premium motor spirit) now have more in common than their letters, both have a way of messing with my mood.

      Liked by 5 people

    2. Hello dear. I understand your point perfectly & i would be the first to admit that third world problems makes us impervious to these debates cos one has to have attained a certain level of comfort before being bothered about topics that do not even affect you right now. And the third world problems are soo much that at the end of the day we have just enough energy to breathe that we actually become desensitised to other issues(one can call it selfishness) but i must say that it isn’t premeditated, its more like a survival instinct.

      Although one must not argue every topic

      Liked by 2 people

  30. Very true, Nedu. The way we take to arguments that lead no where these days is just something else. And we are ever so quick, very quick with the “racist” card and the arguments are becoming weaker and more empty by the day. This is the time to truly spend energy on very dire issues and you said, the will to live through each day this period is more than enough already. ☺_👍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Kay,

      It’s like we simply enjoy the sound of our own voices, and assume that the more energetic the debate is, the more meaningful it must be.

      I acknowledge that racial disrespect is a real issue, and I’ll wave my hands in protest when there is a valid complaint but sometimes, after looking closely at some debates, I notice that the card was thrown simply because the debater couldn’t think of anything else to support their argument. It then escalates to talking for the sake of talking.

      I agree with you, energy might as well be spent on dire issues, or maybe “dire” is relative. 😀

      Thank you for stopping by, have a great week.

      Liked by 2 people

  31. Hi there – to choose our battles is indeed a mighty thing. I like to tell anyone listening that I choose battles like a boss. 😂

    Sometimes I think debates solely exist for the purpose of hearing one speak. Le sigh.

    By the way, I joined the “ranks” at 11, as well. Smooth sailing ever since. Hahaha

    Enjoy the week,

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Boss, 😀

      I feel that way too sometimes, “debating solely to hear voices”, what amuses me is that not all debates, regardless of how fiery they might be, transition into a resolution of the issue debated about, so to what end? Me, I have real Third World palava to deal with.

      Lol @ “ranks”, if only they’d told one that the whole thing was so “bloody” overrated, I’d have waited till I was 25. Ah! But one must consider the feelings (and profits) of the sanitary towel industry.

      Thank you, have a great week too!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha @ “bloody” overrated. Indeed! 😂😂😂😂 We’ve donated quite a bit of that money to that industry, haven’t we? And all we have to show for it are the scowling faces of a cranky, crampy lady. 😒😂


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